Violet Elizabeth Posted August 13, 2004 Share Posted August 13, 2004 Stuck in a nasty t-jam this evening ... Radio whatever was playing Up the junction by Squeeze. "I never thought it would 'appen With me and the girl from Clapham". Love it 😬 Also love :- "The Sweeneys doing 90 'cos they got the word to go they get a gang of villains in a shed up at Heathrow" Not my favourite band in the world, but rhymes that make me 😬 😬 😬 "I didn't take much time convincing her Baby i'm from the wirral penninsula " Any more .... for any more Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hibster. Posted August 13, 2004 Share Posted August 13, 2004 Some balls are held for charity and some for fancy dress, but when they are held for pleasure, they're the balls that I like best. Supercheese R250 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meldrew Posted August 13, 2004 Share Posted August 13, 2004 "Rubber Bullets", 10cc: "We all got balls and brains, but some got balls and chains" Ian Dury: too many to mention, but: 'You come awake in a horny morning mood and have a proper wriggle in the naughty naked nude" "'Fill 'er up' they say, the Blockheads 'Go on, stick it where it hurts.' Their shapeless haircuts don't enhance their ghastly patterned shirts" "I could be a writer with a growing reputation, I could be the ticket man at Fulham Broadway Station" ".....Harold Hill of Harold Hill, of do-it-yourself dexterity and double glazing skill. Came home to find another gentleman's kippers in the grill so he sanded off his winkle with a Black and Decker drill" Tom Lehrer - even more than Ian Dury, but... "As the judge remarked the day the that he acquitted my Aunt Hortense, to be smut it must be ut-terly without redeeming social importance" "Stories of tortures used by debauchers lurid, licentious and vile make me smile" "We will all go together when we go, all suffused with an incandescent glow No-one will have the endurance to collect on his insurance, Lloyds of London will be loaded when they go" "You will all go directly to your respective Valhallas. Go directly do not pass go do not collect two hundred dollars" And the most pretentious and laboured of all could only be Sting (via The Police): "He starts to shake and cough just like the old man in that book by Nabokov" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Violet Elizabeth Posted August 14, 2004 Author Share Posted August 14, 2004 "Tracy Jacks ... is a golfing fantatic "Tracy Jacks ... but his putt is erratic" Must agree on the Police ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meldrew Posted August 14, 2004 Share Posted August 14, 2004 A few more Tom Lehrer gems that occurred to me while trying to get to sleep: "Since I still appreciate you let's find love while we may, Because I know I'll hate you when you are old and grey. So say you love me here and now, I'll make make the most of that. Say you love and trust me for I know you'll disgust me when you're old and getting fat. An awful debility, a lessened utility, a loss of mobility is a strong possibility. In all probability I'll lose my virility and you your fertility and desireability And this liability of total sterility will lead to hostility and a sense of futility So let's act with agility while we still have facility for we'll soon reach senility and lose the ability." "Out came that matador who must have been potted or slightly insane but who looked rather bored. And the picadors of course, each one on his horse, I shouted 'Ole!' everytime one was gored" "Some have harsh words for this man of renown, but some think our attitude should be one of gratitude Like the widows and cripples in old London town, who owe their large pensions to Werner von Braun" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meldrew Posted August 14, 2004 Share Posted August 14, 2004 Warren Zevon was good too: "I saw a werewolf with a chinese menu in his hand walking through the streets of Soho in the rain, He was looking for the place called Lee Ho Fook, gonna get a big dish of beef chow mein" From the same song: "He's the hairy-handed gent who ran amok in Kent Lately he's been overheard in Mayfair You'd better stay away from him He'll rip your lungs out, Jim Huh, I'd like to meet his tailor" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve-B Posted August 14, 2004 Share Posted August 14, 2004 Frank Zappa still best: He took a dog-doo snow cone and stuffed it in my right eye He took a dog-doo snow cone and stuffed it in my other eye And the husky wee-wee I mean the doggie wee-wee Has blinded me And I can't see Temporarily Steve B Big Black Beast^3 Lighten up everybody....NOW USA 2005: How the West Was Driven Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony Whitley Posted August 14, 2004 Share Posted August 14, 2004 John Prine (sung by Iris DeMent): He ain't got laid in a month of Sundays Last weekend I caught him sniffin' my undies M1 7 SMW 1.4-now-1.8K Mem.No. 10376 Picture here 😬 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rossybee Posted August 15, 2004 Share Posted August 15, 2004 Her green plastic watering can For her fake Chinese rubber plant In the fake plastic earth That she bought from a rubber man In a town full of rubber plans To get rid of itself Rrrrrosssssssssss!!! here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve-B Posted August 15, 2004 Share Posted August 15, 2004 thomas dolby: I buy her all the right clothes and pretty jewels to wear my friends say she's a dumb blonde but they don't know she dyes her hair she thinks the fighting in Central America's easily solved but what to wear to Bel-Air premieres is a problem she could never resolve... she's an airhead stungun and mace - Kharmann Ghia plates say "Lost in Space"; she's an airhead thousands in trust - cusp Aquarius - get serious she's an airhead tinted contacts don't change the fact that black is black she's an airhead and while I'm impressed with the length of those legs she's not an intellectual giant.... Steve B Big Black Beast^3 Lighten up everybody....NOW USA 2005: How the West Was Driven Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meldrew Posted August 15, 2004 Share Posted August 15, 2004 Just to get the rhymes back on target: "Who needs a hobby, like tennis or philately? I've got a hobby re-reading Lady Chatterley" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meldrew Posted August 15, 2004 Share Posted August 15, 2004 Or - one for Steve: "She lives in Mojave in a Winnebago His name is Bobby, he looks like a potato" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meldrew Posted August 15, 2004 Share Posted August 15, 2004 A good, if rather vulgar, one from the Police: "Jimmy's joined the National Front, He always was a little runt He's got his hand in the air with the other c(insert rhyme here)s" Good Ol' Rod Stewart: "She was long tall and tarty, She drove a Maserati" And for really awful ones, how about "Typically Tropical" (in a heavy cod West Indian Accent) "I look out at de ground An' I see de rain go down de drain"...shocking All together now.."Whoah, I'm going to Burbeedas"...quite shocking... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Violet Elizabeth Posted August 15, 2004 Author Share Posted August 15, 2004 Awful ... Gonna write a classic gonna write it in an attic babe, I'm an addict now an addict for your love Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alex Birtwisle Posted August 15, 2004 Share Posted August 15, 2004 So come up to the lab And see what's on the slab I see you shiver with antici...............................................pation 😬 A song that I am sure far too many people know all the words of ❗ Alex S713UMY 1.8K Viper Blue and Spandex Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Delbert Posted August 15, 2004 Share Posted August 15, 2004 And the cringe making " ... And you can count your lucky stars , that we're not as smart as we like to think we are" When you realise the worlds not nice just drop your pants and slide on the ice!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Violet Elizabeth Posted August 15, 2004 Author Share Posted August 15, 2004 "But it's hard to get by when your arse is the size Of a small country" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve-B Posted August 15, 2004 Share Posted August 15, 2004 courtesy of Brian Eno When I got back home I found a message on the door Sweet Regina's gone to China crosslegged on the floor. Steve B Big Black Beast^3 Lighten up everybody....NOW USA 2005: How the West Was Driven Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GTD Posted August 16, 2004 Share Posted August 16, 2004 Kinky Friedman: Women’s liberation is a-going to your head, Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in the bed. G 4 Geoff Leather Good - Carbon Fibre Bad 619 GTD here Paying for 619GTD here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve-B Posted August 16, 2004 Share Posted August 16, 2004 (can't recall singers' name just heard this on cr4p C&W station growing up in East Texas) Drop kick me Jesus, through the goal posts of life My children are in bed having sex with my wife Steve B Big Black Beast^3 Lighten up everybody....NOW USA 2005: How the West Was Driven Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GTD Posted August 16, 2004 Share Posted August 16, 2004 😳 😳 😳 Reminds me of the old one: Bloke rings work 'I can't come to work today, I'm sick.' Boss: 'How sick are you, then?' 'Well I'm in bed with my sister, is that sick enough for you?' G 4 Geoff Leather Good - Carbon Fibre Bad 619 GTD here Paying for 619GTD here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve-B Posted August 16, 2004 Share Posted August 16, 2004 John Prine: When I woke up this morning, things were lookin' bad Seem like total silence was the only friend I had Bowl of oatmeal tried to stare me down... and won And it was twelve o'clock before I realized That I was havin' .. no fun Edited by - Steve-B on 16 Aug 2004 18:04:16 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I.Mupferit Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 "My Maserati does one eighty-five, I've lost my licence so now I don't drive" Brent Waiting for my Duratec SV 😬 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boonie Hound Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 An Olympic theme: I'm a tired runner in the human race. I've got to get back to a familiar face. .....brought to you by .......Huey Lewis and the News Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hibster. Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 Curiosity ? Is that why I saw you haning around outside one of those shops with blacked out windows ? Paul PS and look what it did to the cat 😳 Supercheese R250 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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