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Dickie Normuss

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Reuters Message Board

 

"We're getting spasmodic reports from our Innuendo correspondent"

"Flak, vomit and drool are the latest weapons being used by the Wibble Brigade, a little known paramilitary group recently seen lurking on the outskirts of GoGland..."

 

"We'll go back to that report later, once we've re-established contact...and now for some home news. The Home Secretary, David Blunkett has released details of his latest attempt to recreate scenes from his favourite book, "1984". The idea came to him whilst stroking his faithful guide dog Cherietone. Starting off with new arrivals to this sceptred isle, by 2005 all persons will be required to pass through a sheep dip at Immigration Control. This action has been deemed necessary in order to stem the flow of foreign wibble entering our language. They will then be handed a large metal necklace with circular disc, inscribed with crucial information - name, identity number, favourite comic. This tagging system will be expanded to include all residents of England by 2010. Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland have so far resisted being included in the tagging system. We now go directly to KevSull, our correspondent on a hillside in Wales who has this exclusive report from The Sheep"

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We don't seem to be able to bring you that report from Wales. In the meantime we hear that The Canine Society of Great Britain has voiced its concerns over Mr Blunkett's latest plans, stating that for humans to be forced to wear identification necklaces of this type are "Doggist". They will be holding an emergency meeting in Battersea on Saturday November 15 and from there will march to Parliament Square to vent their feelings. The Metropolitan Chief Dog Warden has advised humans to avoid the area, stating that all lampposts on the designated route are for the use of canines only for the duration of the march. This action has led to the Formby Society planning its own counter march, stating they have a prior claim to using all lampposts on the corners of the streets for the leaning thereof...

 

 

Edited by - fullharness on 12 Nov 2003 11:48:49

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