KevSull Too Posted October 31, 2003 Share Posted October 31, 2003 here Some of these are pant wettingly funny. If you find a good one, post it here!!! 😬You laugh at me because I'm different, I laugh at you because you're all the same. 😬 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KevSull Too Posted October 31, 2003 Author Share Posted October 31, 2003 A mate knew someone once who's just bought a brand spanking new ford escort, one of the older ones where the escort logo was individual letters. so he prised them out with a knife, and araldited them back in spelling 'scrote' apparantly, the guy had to drill them out and wait 6 weeks for replacements 😬You laugh at me because I'm different, I laugh at you because you're all the same. 😬 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KevSull Too Posted October 31, 2003 Author Share Posted October 31, 2003 We were in really cheap (mixed) halls - the walls were made from what appeared to be paper mache. Every night for weeks, a friend dampened a patch on the wall (normally with just water) until one night (after pub) he ran at the wall head-first, slammed his head through the wall and shouted "ELLOOO LOVE!". She didn't find it anywhere near as funny as we did. Odd that. 😬You laugh at me because I'm different, I laugh at you because you're all the same. 😬 Edited by - KevSull on 31 Oct 2003 14:56:21 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meldrew Posted October 31, 2003 Share Posted October 31, 2003 Not evil but quite funny: We had a collection of pretty crappy art on the walls at college - a lot of it bland seascapes by victorian ladies who were associated with the college's establishment - including a weird abstract thing that no-one knew what it was supposed to be. One night in the first year, we attacked with a ratchet screwdriver and inverted the pic. It stayed that way until we graduated, and for all I know, still hangs upside-down outside the Bursar's office. Sorry - this one's real, not from the b3ta site. Edited by - Meldrew on 31 Oct 2003 14:50:49 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meldrew Posted October 31, 2003 Share Posted October 31, 2003 That Escort one is funny - it's a bit like the chap who rearranged the letters on his Range Rover to read "Hangover" as it was so unreliable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I.Mupferit Posted October 31, 2003 Share Posted October 31, 2003 Before he was married a friend of mine rented a flat with another mate and kept pi**ing him off by nicking his milk, cereal etc. So to get him back, and unknown to him at the time, he got some chillis and carefully rubbed them all over the the gusset inside his clean underpants in the drawer. Within a day or two of wearing the 'treated' underpants, the friend was complaining that his wedding tackle was feeling very sore and looking extremely red. Fearing he had contracted some 'orrible STD from one of the girls he had met on a recent one night stand, he visited the doctor who was completely baffled by the symptoms. 😬 His flatmate carried this on for the next two weeks or so, all the while the friend was becoming more uncomfortable and starting to panic so was eventually put out of his misery after a drunken confession. 😬 😬 😬 Brent Zetec Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KevSull Too Posted October 31, 2003 Author Share Posted October 31, 2003 When I was in uni in Cork, I used to get web and mail access in a building that, while recently built, had a fairly dodgy lift. Twas new enough, and an Otis or Schindler, but for some reason it tended to make awful screaching noises as if dragging against the shaft, sounded liek it was goign to fall at any moment. So one day I went into the lift armed with a swiss army knife (don't thank me, thank the moon's gravitational pull!) and a roll of yellow tape stolen from macdonalds whilst drunk (looked like police tape, but had the words DO NOT USE repeated infinitely). Once the lift doors closed I quickly ran tape across the INSIDE of the doors police style, smoothed it down, then cut the middle before the doors opened, hiding the tape once the doors retracted. This way victims would enter the lift, hit a floor-button, and the doors would close bearing official looking warning not to use the lift, before (too late!) the lift would begin it's screaming ascent/descent. Many people had to have a sitdown afterwards. It was great. 😬You laugh at me because I'm different, I laugh at you because you're all the same. 😬 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurence Wilson Posted October 31, 2003 Share Posted October 31, 2003 KevSull 😬 [:U] Returning to my previous college from a trip out for tuck with a mate, I picked up some horse turd with a Tescos carrier bag like you would use a pooper scooper. This I emptied into one of the college's physics laboratory cupboards. We thought this would be an amusing (albeit childish) practical joke but none of the colleges curriculums it appears utilised anything that was stored in said cupboard and subsequently we were able to monitor the sh*te turn slowly into a pile of brown dust. This wasn't cleared out till two years later. Our long suffering physics teacher also had to bear our hiding a walkman stereo in various locations around the class that played continuously some dreadful house music I had mixed with a simulated goat sex sample downloaded off of the internet. Suffice to say this had a classroom full of 13 year olds in titters. Peardrop Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I.Mupferit Posted October 31, 2003 Share Posted October 31, 2003 I used to work for a French company which involved several trips over to head office in Lille. On one occasion, nearing Christmas, I went to the market in Lille and bought some of the foulest smelling cheese imaginable, 'Lille Vieux'. The following day we had a sales meeting at the UK Southern office which one of the northern area sales engineers, whom nobody liked, also attended. During the lunch break I managed to get hold of his car keys and stuffed this putrid cheese right up under his car seat. I then heard after Christmas that he hadn't found the cheese and his wife and kids refused to go in his car. Even the dog ran away yelping when he tried to get him in the car to go for a walk on the moors. He had to drive everywhere in the middle of Winter in the North of England with all the windows open until eventually the leasing company took the car back and discovered the cheese. 😬 Brent Zetec Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meldrew Posted October 31, 2003 Share Posted October 31, 2003 We dealt with a compulsive food-stealer at school by first injecting his milk carton with green food colouring. This didn't work, so all the other people who shared the fridge put Ex-lax in their own food. When the culprit went down with the squits he had the temerity to complain about people spiking their own grub! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I.Mupferit Posted October 31, 2003 Share Posted October 31, 2003 When I was an apprentice, working in a drawing office in the late 60's a really cruel one was perpetrated on one of the older draughtsmen by some of the juniors in the office. This old boy always wore a bowler in to work and one day bought a new one so a few of the lads put some money together and, from the same shop, bought two more identical bowlers.........one at 2 sizes larger and the other 2 sizes smaller. Then over the next few weeks, during the day they would swap his bowler with the small one. The following day they would put his own hat back then the day after that, swap it with the larger hat followed again by his own. This cycle of changes continued for a few weeks and the poor old boy was convinced his head was, alternately, expanding and shrinking. Another cruel one in the same office on the same old boy was done by installing a hidden speaker in the bench under his drawing board. This was then wired back to an amplifier and microphone hidden in the tea room. Every now and again one of the perpetrators would sneak into the tea room and speak into the mic. calling out the victims name in an eerie voice. All the other draughtsmen at his end of the office were in on this so just kept their heads down as if nothing had happened. The hapless victim thought he was being spoken to from the spirit world and the 'experiment' had to be terminated before he went mad. I, of course, wasn't involved in any of these. 😳 Brent Zetec Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Brother Posted October 31, 2003 Share Posted October 31, 2003 My dad, having had a major bust up with a neighbour (loud music at all hours, parties, etc) who lived a few doors away secretly vowed to one day get his revenge. When he found out the guy was taking his family away during the summer holidays, my dad sprung into action. He started by going to see a friend who was a local fishmonger and bought a large quantity of "out of date" fish. He then stood outside his victims house early the next morning and posted the fish, one by one through the guys letterbox. This would have been bad enough but to top it off he "modified" the letterbox so that it wouldn't close properly. To set the scene... The letterbox was in a glass door surrounded by glass, it was the summer holidays and was very very hot! By about day 4 you could see swarms of flies queueing to get in the letterbox 😬 AFAIK the house eventualy had to be totally fumigated and required new carpets and furniture due to the persistant smell. Moral of the story - Dont upset my dad 😬 😬 😬 Steve Se7en-Up! Magnolia - its the new BRG/Yellow! 😬 Edited by - Steve Motts on 31 Oct 2003 19:04:37 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mav Posted October 31, 2003 Share Posted October 31, 2003 Lightly covered a few pans in the kitchen (in rented flat) with maggots to get the ex to move out - It worked and the maggots were gone within 5 mins of her leaving - All of them. I would have been more understanding with her if she had not tried to attack me with a kitchen knife one night - just before we split Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tiptree Posted October 31, 2003 Share Posted October 31, 2003 Am I the only one who noticed that it was Schindler's lift? There's one of these in the Hotel Ludwig in Koeln too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Brother Posted October 31, 2003 Share Posted October 31, 2003 I prefer "Porn and Dunwoody" lifts myself 😬 Steve Se7en-Up! Magnolia - its the new BRG/Yellow! 😬 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tiptree Posted October 31, 2003 Share Posted October 31, 2003 Put brussels sprouts under the back seat of your best mate's car. The effect builds wonderfully Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WindyMiller Posted October 31, 2003 Share Posted October 31, 2003 Have tried and experienced a few 1)My wife had to resort to leaving an exlaxed cake for someone nicking her food in North Finchley Hospital, it seemed to do the trick. 2) A guy at uni in"E" block, solved the problem in a more impressive way. His dad ran a stuntman business and got him a thunder flash that he wired to the fridge door *smile* That worked too. 3) Someone annoyed my wife, so we "found" a pass key, swapped his spices around (liked to impress the ladies with his cooking), removed all the fuses, sewed up his curtains, sleaves and button holes. 4) Painted someones windows black, got up, then went back to bed and missed his only lecture that day. 5) Hinged a door vertically *smile* 6) My favourite is a bit involved but worth the telling. Day 1, taped newspaper over someones door and filled the space between the paper wall and door with scrunched up paper. Door opens inwards along with wall of paper, individual breaks out . Day 2 repeat previous day, remembering to tape the paper wall all the way to the top. Occupant greeted with second wall of paper falling in on him and smashes way out. Day 3 as for previous two days, but with the addition of a large table left upright against the wall of paper. *smile* These are all first hand so if any of you know me, don't mess Windy Red and Black 1.8K Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve-B Posted November 1, 2003 Share Posted November 1, 2003 got several to contribute: got a guy pissed on his stag do, the strippers stripped him, we tied him up and put him in a canoe with no oars in the lake in texas where i'm from tied to a mooring buoy 1/4 mile from shore got a guy pissed on his stag do, and put him on a flight that didn't come back until after the wedding. took hard lemon candies, pried the rubber strips on a car door where the window goes up and put the lemon candies in the door. it was about 30C that day. they melted and made a lump. came 0C weather, car hit bump, drops became dislodged. sounded like shattering glass Steve B Big Black Beast^3 SV VHPD Join us on the USA 2005 tour......HERE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myles Posted November 2, 2003 Share Posted November 2, 2003 You tied him up and left him in a canoe...? I bet he sat very, very still... I can be nasty too. We had a flatmate at Uni who was a complete PITA and had no regard for our property (broke things in rages etc.). He had a local parking permit (tied to the reg no. of the car) - but actually owned two cars. He routinely swapped the license plates over so that the parking permit appeared valid. So, after a final straw, I phoned the police anonymously, reported the suspicious vehicle and waited... Plain clothes coppers came round, nicked him and gave him a 300 quid fine Justice was served. Alcester Racing 7's Equipe - 🙆🏻 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Area Representative Crudders Posted November 3, 2003 Area Representative Share Posted November 3, 2003 In retaliation to having been served a ‘coffee’ that was actually a mug full of set concrete covered with a shallow coffee puddle, a colleague’s white coffee mug was drilled through at the base, and the hole plugged with white soap. This held up for a few minutes before dissolving and causing a huge flood on his desk. Boss who was very keen on Camembert regularly stank out the office fridge with his over-ripe festering fromage. One of his old Camembert wrappers somehow managed to find it’s way to the back of the radiator in his office. I don’t think I’ve encountered a more disgusting smell before or since. Whether or not he noticed it no-one ever knew, but he never once mentioned it, and eventually we gave in and removed it when visits to his office became completely unbearable. Hard to believe in this Health and Safety obsessed age but one of my former Employers purchased an abseiling kit to enable us to survey tall buildings without going to the expense of scaffolds, hoists, etc. Oddly, no-one fancied risking their neck in the line of duty. To my knowledge it was used only once – to truss the lippy Dept Head’s PA to her chair before wheeling her off to the lift and pressing the buttons for every floor. She reappeared about half an hour later having ‘met’ several hundred people, all of them too embarrassed to say a word, let alone get in the lift. Good job she had a top sense of humour. Sadly lost touch with this wonderful woman - where are you now Denise? 😬 Richard Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Low Toose Posted November 3, 2003 Share Posted November 3, 2003 Richard at last I've found you, I thought I would never see your cute little self again. Why didn't you write 🤔 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rossybee Posted November 3, 2003 Share Posted November 3, 2003 😳 😳 Rrrrrosssssss!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scooby dooby doo Posted November 3, 2003 Share Posted November 3, 2003 😬 HOOPY R706KGU Hoopylight R Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Area Representative Crudders Posted November 4, 2003 Area Representative Share Posted November 4, 2003 Did I set myself up for that or did I set myself up for that 🤔 😬 Richard Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Low Toose Posted November 4, 2003 Share Posted November 4, 2003 Oh Richard d'you mean you aren't interested after all 🤔 In my minds eye I can still see your cute Roman nosed face smiling at me as the lift doors closed in front of you. 😳 Who am I 🤔 😬 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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