Powderpuff Posted June 20, 2003 Share Posted June 20, 2003 Ballast and I have today completed on the purchase of our double garage with house attached now all I need to do is see one client and we can go and get the keys. Have already got the floor coating to put down in the garage this weekend....got to get the priorities right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scooby dooby doo Posted June 20, 2003 Share Posted June 20, 2003 woo-hoo ❗ I have a bit of concrete in a multistorey... My dad has the double garage of dreams - off there this weekend to work on mine and Emma's cars. I REALLY appreciate the difference ❗ HOOPY R706KGU Hoopylight R Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ballast Posted June 20, 2003 Share Posted June 20, 2003 I am at present more interested in whether they have put in my gas fire...seeing as it wasn't there yesterday and was being done at 8am!!!! *eek* *eek* There is a joke here about Corgi fitters but I fee that I am too polite to go there 😳 😳 Bx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Powderpuff Posted June 20, 2003 Author Share Posted June 20, 2003 Forget the fire, it's summer......as for the garage....all year round use 😬 😬 😬 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ballast Posted June 20, 2003 Share Posted June 20, 2003 What you are going to live in the garage all year round.....OK... I can keep my car(s) at Mum and Dads down the road don't need the garage....a four bedroom house all to myself .....anybody need lodgings in the Warwick area??? Apparently I have two rooms going spare! 😬 😬 Bx PS> Before anybody says I can't add up to four - two spare rooms and then another for me and another is becoming an office! Ithink...... Edited by - Ballast on 20 Jun 2003 11:46:57 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mav Posted June 22, 2003 Share Posted June 22, 2003 Oh! I think we ought to sell up MM and rent a room from Ballast, and Garage space from PP. Sounds like a plan 😬 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mav Posted June 23, 2003 Share Posted June 23, 2003 😬 Viv Wishing i had my own seven Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hibster. Posted June 23, 2003 Share Posted June 23, 2003 Gosh I'm up at the same time as Miss Mav, in fact I've been up for over an hour (3rd cup of tea just about to be drunk) I hate it when I can't sleep and there's not much happening on Blatchat at this time of day. Good morning to you all Paul PS Sounds like all the garage space is already taken at PP&B Towers so will my car make it up the stairs ? If ya' can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all. Thumper Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Powderpuff Posted June 23, 2003 Author Share Posted June 23, 2003 The garage now has painted walls and an epoxy floor covering.......and I'm in need of a visit to my chiropractor ☹️ PP p.s. We did some work inside the house too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Violet Elizabeth Posted June 23, 2003 Share Posted June 23, 2003 Couldn't you have bought a proper floor covering, rather than a poxy one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hibster. Posted June 23, 2003 Share Posted June 23, 2003 No Noger you don't understand, e-poxy is where something is bad in the virtual world, mail = postmen, email = cyberspace, poxy = lessons, e-poxy = spam If ya' can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all. Thumper Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dave hard Posted June 23, 2003 Share Posted June 23, 2003 wot, PP has covered th floor of his luvverly garage in Spam 🤔 Caterham 21 VHPD - one of the few Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Violet Elizabeth Posted June 23, 2003 Share Posted June 23, 2003 😬 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hibster. Posted June 23, 2003 Share Posted June 23, 2003 The SPAM Sketch from The Final Rip Off Mr. Bun: Morning. Waitress: Morning. Mr. Bun: Well, what you got? Waitress: Well, there's egg and bacon; egg, sausage and bacon; egg and spam; egg, bacon and spam; egg, bacon, sausage and spam; spam, bacon, sausage and spam; spam, egg, spam, spam, bacon and spam; spam, sausage, spam, spam, spam, bacon, spam, tomato and spam; spam, spam, spam, egg and spam; (Vikings start singing in background) spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam, spam, spam and spam. Vikings: Spam, spam, spam, spam, lovely spam, lovely spam. Waitress: (cont) or lobster thermador ecrovets with a bournaise sause, served in the purple salm Mr. Bunor with chalots and overshies, garnished with truffle pate, brandy, a fried egg on top and spam. Mrs. Bun: Have you got anything without spam? Waitress: Well, there's spam, egg, sausage and spam. That's not got much spam in it. Mrs. Bun: I don't want any spam! Mr. Bun: Why can't she have egg, bacon, spam and sausage? Mrs. Bun: That's got spam in it. Mr. Bun: It hasn't got as much spam in it as spam, egg, sausage and spam has it? Mrs. Bun: (over Vikings starting again) Could you do me egg, bacon, spam and sausage without the spam then? Waitress: Ech! Mrs. Bun: What do you mean ech! I don't like spam! Vikings: Lovely spam, wonderful spam....etc Waitress: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Bloody vikings. You can't have egg, bacon, spam and sausage without the spam. Mrs. Bun: I don't like spam! Mr. Bun: Shh dear, don't cause a fuss. I'll have your spam. I love it. I'm having spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam, spam, spam and spam. (starts Vikings off again) Vikings: Lovely spam, wonderful spam...etc Waitress: Shut up! Baked beans are off. Mr. Bun: Well, can I have her spam instead of the baked beans? Waitress: You mean spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, and spam? Vikings: Lovely spam, wonderful spam...etc...spam, spam, spam! (in harmony) 😬 If ya' can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all. Thumper Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Powderpuff Posted June 23, 2003 Author Share Posted June 23, 2003 Not spam, english mustard.......well that's what colour it's turned out......buff my ar*e Actually it's sort of blatchat background colour 😬 Oh dear, just re-read my posting, I'm just waiting for buff comments now 😳 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hibster. Posted June 23, 2003 Share Posted June 23, 2003 Ok, who asked for their 🙆🏻 to be buffed, I just borrowed this from the metalwork classroom so we'll have to be quick 😳 If ya' can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all. Thumper Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
not a Postman Pat Posted June 23, 2003 Share Posted June 23, 2003 😬 There's people pay good money for that Pat and his not quite black and white cat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hibster. Posted June 23, 2003 Share Posted June 23, 2003 A fiver and I'll do yours too if you like If ya' can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all. Thumper Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rossybee Posted June 23, 2003 Share Posted June 23, 2003 Paul, I thought you were always quick.... Everyone else, I think from now on we should avoid any words that have any relation with Monty Python, if we wish to have Paul recite a whole sketch of the aforementioned '70s comedy. I thank you 😬 Dis someone mention PARROT? Ross Very Black 6spd SuperSport Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hibster. Posted June 24, 2003 Share Posted June 24, 2003 Sorry I've been rather busy with the decorating and having people view my house, I think that they should just look through the letter box and then pay me the asking price plus 10% in cash on the spot but they see it differently. Did someone say Parrot ? Ze famouz dead parrot sketch Praline (John Cleese) Hello, I wish to register a complaint..... Hello? Miss? Shopkeeper (Michael Palin) What do you mean, miss? Praline Oh, I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint. Shopkeeper Sorry, we're closing for lunch. Praline Never mind that my lad, I wish to complain about a parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique. Shopkeeper Oh yes, the Norwegian Blue. What's wrong with it? Praline I'll tell you what's wrong with it. It's dead, that's what's wrong with it. Shopkeeper No, no it's resting look! Praline Look my lad, I know a dead parrot when I see one and I'm looking at one right now. Shopkeeper No, no sir, it's not dead. It's resting. Praline Resting!?! Shopkeeper Yeah, remarkable bird the Norwegian Blue, beautiful plumage, inn't? Praline The plumage don't enter into it - it's stone dead. Shopkeeper No, no - it's just resting. Praline All right then, if it's resting I'll wake it up. (shouts in into cage) Hello Polly! I've got a nice cuttlefish for you when you wake up, Polly Parrot! Shopkeeper (jogging cage) There it moved. Praline No he didn't. That was you pushing the cage. Shopkeeper I did not. Praline Yes, you did. (takes parrot out of cage, shouts) Hello Polly, Polly (bangs it against the counter) Polly Parrot, wake up. Polly (throws it in the air and it lands on the floor) Now that's what I call a dead parrot. Shopkeeper No, no it's stunned. Praline Look my lad, I've had just about enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased. And when I bought it not half an hour ago, you assured me that its lack of movement was due to it being tired shagged out after a long squawk. Shopkeeper It's probably pining for the fjords. Praline Pining for the fjords, what kind of talk is that? Look, why did it fall flat on its back the moment I got it home? Shopkeeper The Norwegian Blue prefers kipping on its back. Beautiful bird, lovely plumage. Praline Look, I took the liberty of examining the parrot, and I discovered that the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been nailed there. Shopkeeper Well of course it was nailed there. Otherwise it would muscle up to those bars and voom. Praline Look matey (picks up parrot) this parrot wouldn't go voom if I put four thousand volts through it. It's bleeding demised. Shopkeeper It's not. It's pining. Praline It's not pining, it's passed on. This parrot is no more. It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker. This is a late parrot. It's a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. If you hadn't nailed it to the perch, it would be pushing up the daisies. It's rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-parrot. Shopkeeper Well I'd better replace it then. Praline (to camera) If you want to get anything done in this country you've got to complain till you're blue in the mouth. Shopkeeper Sorry guv', we're right out a parrots. Praline I see. I see. I get the picture. Shopkeeper I've got a slug. Praline Does it talk? Shopkeeper Not really, no. Praline Well, it's scarcely a replacement, then is it? Shopkeeper Listen, I'll tell you what, (handing over a card) tell you what, if you go to my brother's pet shop in Bolton he'll replace your parrot for you. Praline Bolton eh? Shopkeeper Yeah. Praline All right. He leaves, holding the parrot. CAPTION: 'A SIMILAR PET SHOP IN BOLTON, LANCS' Close-up of sign on door reading: 'Similar Pet Shops Ltd'. Pull back from sign to see same pet shop. Shopkeeper now has a moustache. Praline walks into the shop. He looks around with interest, noticing the empty parrot cage on the floor. Praline Er, excuse me. This is Bolton, is it? Shopkeeper No, no it's ,er, Ipswich. Praline (to camera) That's Inter-City Rail for you (leaves) Man in porters outfit standing at complaints desk for railways. Praline approaches. Praline I wish to make a complaint. Porter (Terry Jones) I don't have to do this, you know. Praline I beg your pardon? Porter I'm a qualified brain surgeon. I only do this because I like being my own boss. Praline Er, excuse me, this is irrelevant, isn't it? Porter Oh yeah, it's not easy to pad these out in thirty minutes. Praline Well I wish to make a complaint. I got on to the Bolton train and found myself deposited here in Ipswich. Porter No, this is Bolton. Praline If this is Bolton, I shall return to the pet shop. CAPTION: 'A LITTLE LATER LTD' Praline walks into the shop again. Praline I understand this IS Bolton. Shopkeeper Yes. Praline Well, you told me it was Ipswich. Shopkeeper It was a pun. Praline A pun? Shopkeeper No, no, not a pun, no. What's the other thing which reads the same backwards as forwards? Praline A palindrome? Shopkeeper Yes, yes. Praline It's not a palindrome. The palindrome of Bolton would be Notlob. It don't work. Shopkeeper Look, what do you want? Praline No, I'm sorry, I'm not prepared to pursue my line of enquiry any further as I think this is getting too silly. A fave 😬 😬 😬 😬 😬 If ya' can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all. Thumper Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Powderpuff Posted June 24, 2003 Author Share Posted June 24, 2003 I suppose the question is do you know them off by heart, or do you have to transcribe them from a recording......I'm not sure which is worse Personally I love the 'sweets' sketch, with its crunchy frog and the like Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hibster. Posted June 24, 2003 Share Posted June 24, 2003 Ah yes another goodie and I've just realised that the frogs are shipped from Iraq 😬 L&K from Paul the Monty Python bore The cast: INSPECTOR PRALINE Graham Chapman MR. HILTON Terry Jones CONSTABLE CLITORIS Terry Gilliam The sketch: Inspector Praline: Hello! Hilton: Hello. Inspector Praline: Mr. Hilton? Hilton: Yes? Inspector Praline: You are sole proprietor and owner of the Whizzo Chocolate Company? Hilton: I am. Praline: Constable Clitoris and I are from the hygiene squad. We would like to have a word with you about your box of chocolates entified The Whizzo Quality Assortment. Hilton: Oh, yes. Praline: If I may begin at the beginning. First there is the cherry fondue. This is extremely nasty, but we can't prosecute you for that. Hilton: Agreed. Praline: Next we have number four, 'crunchy frog'. Hilton: Ah, yes. Praline: Am I right in thinking there's a real frog in here? Hilton: Yes. A little one. Praline: What sort of frog? Hilton: A dead frog. Praline: Is it cooked? Hilton: No. Praline: What, a raw frog? Hilton: We use only the finest baby frogs, dew picked and flown from Iraq, cleansed in finest quality spring water, lightly killed, and sealed in a succulent Swiss quintuple smooth treble cream milk chocolate envelope and lovingly frosted with glucose. Praline: That's as may be, it's still a frog. Hilton: What else? Praline: Well don't you even take the bones out? Hilton: If we took the bones out it wouldn't be crunchy would it? Praline: Constable Clitoris ate one of those. Clitoris: Uh, would you excuse me a moment, sir? Praline: We have to protect the public! People aren't going to think there's a real frog in chocolate! Constable Clitoris thought it was an almond whirl! They're bound to think it's some kind of mock frog. Hilton: (insulted) Mock frog? We use no artificial additives or preservatives of any kind! Praline: Nevertheless, I advise you in future to replace the words 'crunchy frog' with the legend 'crunchy raw unboned real dead frog', if you want to avoid prosecution. Hilton: What about our sales? Praline: **** your sales! We got to protect the public! Now what about this one? Number five, it was number five, wasn't it? Number five, ram's bladder cup. What kind of confection is that? Hilton: We use only the finest juicy chunks of fresh Cornish ram's bladder, emptied, steamed, flavoured with sesame seeds whipped into a fondue and garnished with lark's vomit. Praline: Lark's vomit? Hilton: Correct. Praline: It doesn't say anything here about lark's vomit! Hilton: Uh, it does, at the bottom of the label, after monosodium glutamate. Praline: I hardly think that's good enough! I think it would be more appropriate if the box bore a big red label warning lark's vomit. Hilton: Our sales would plummet. Praline: Well why don't you move into more conventional areas of confectionery, like praline or lime cream; a very popular flavour I'm led to understand, or Raspberry Light? I mean what's this one, here we are, 'cockroach cluster', 'anthrax ripple'. (Constable Clitoris begins to make puking sounds) Michael Palin: For those of you listening at home, the young constable has just thrown up into his helmet. This is the longest continuous vomit seen on Broadway since John Barrymore puked over Laertes in the second act of Hamlet in 1941. Praline: And what is this one, 'spring surprise'? Hilton: Ah, that's one of our specialities - covered in dark, velvety chocolate. When you pop it in your mouth, stainless steel bolts spring out and plunge straight through both cheeks. Praline: Well where's the pleasure in that? If people place a nice chocky in their mouth, they don't expect to get their cheeks pierced. In any case it is an inadequate description of the sweetmeat. I shall have to ask you to accompany me to the station. Hilton: It's a fair cop. Praline: And don't talk to the audience. If ya' can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all. Thumper Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Powderpuff Posted June 24, 2003 Author Share Posted June 24, 2003 😬 😬 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lee Posted June 24, 2003 Share Posted June 24, 2003 At least no one mentioned the Spanish Inquisition! And I just found my sister the perfect birthday present... here 😬 Edited by - Lee on 24 Jun 2003 13:45:57 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hibster. Posted June 24, 2003 Share Posted June 24, 2003 Your wish is my command although my hands are getting tired from all this typing The Spanish Inquisition by Monty Python -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In the early years of the 16th century, to combat the rising tide of religious unorthodoxy, the Pope gave Cardinal Ximinez of Spain leave to move without let or hindrance throughout the land, in a reign of violence, terror and torture that makes a smashing film. This was the Spanish Inquisition... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapman: Trouble at mill. Cleveland: Oh no - what kind of trouble? Chapman: One on't cross beams gone owt askew on treadle. Cleveland: Pardon? Chapman: One on't cross beams gone owt askew on treadle. Cleveland: I don't understand what you're saying. Chapman: [slightly irritatedly and with exaggeratedly clear accent] One of the cross beams has gone out askew on the treadle. Cleveland: Well what on earth does that mean? Chapman: *I* don't know - Mr Wentworth just told me to come in here and say that there was trouble at the mill, that's all - I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition. [JARRING CHORD] [The door flies open and Cardinal Ximinez of Spain [Palin] enters, flanked by two junior cardinals. Cardinal Biggles [Jones] has goggles pushed over his forehead. Cardinal Fang [Gilliam] is just Cardinal Fang] Ximinez: NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise.... Our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency.... Our *three* weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.... Our *four*...no... *Amongst* our weapons.... Amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surprise.... I'll come in again. [The Inquisition exits] Chapman: I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition. [JARRING CHORD] [The cardinals burst in] Ximinez: NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope, and nice red uniforms - Oh damn! [To Cardinal Biggles] I can't say it - you'll have to say it. Biggles: What? Ximinez: You'll have to say the bit about 'Our chief weapons are ...' Biggles: [rather horrified]: I couldn't do that... [Ximinez bundles the cardinals outside again] Chapman: I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition. [JARRING CHORD] [The cardinals enter] Biggles: Er.... Nobody...um.... Ximinez: Expects... Biggles: Expects... Nobody expects the...um...the Spanish...um... Ximinez: Inquisition. Biggles: I know, I know! Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition. In fact, those who do expect - Ximinez: Our chief weapons are... Biggles: Our chief weapons are...um...er... Ximinez: Surprise... Biggles: Surprise and -- Ximinez: Okay, stop. Stop. Stop there - stop there. Stop. Phew! Ah! ... our chief weapons are surprise...blah blah blah. Cardinal, read the charges. Fang: You are hereby charged that you did on diverse dates commit heresy against the Holy Church. 'My old man said follow the--' Biggles: That's enough. [To Cleveland] Now, how do you plead? Clevelnd: We're innocent. Ximinez: Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! [DIABOLICAL LAUGHTER] Biggles: We'll soon change your mind about that! [DIABOLICAL ACTING] Ximinez: Fear, surprise, and a most ruthless-- [controls himself with a supreme effort] Ooooh! Now, Cardinal -- the rack! [biggles produces a plastic-coated dish-drying rack. Ximinez looks at it and clenches his teeth in an effort not to lose control. He hums heavily to cover his anger] Ximinez: You....Right! Tie her down. [Fang and Biggles make a pathetic attempt to tie her on to the drying rack] Ximinez:Right! How do you plead? Clevelnd: Innocent. Ximinez: Ha! Right! Cardinal, give the rack [oh dear] give the rack a turn. [biggles stands their awkwardly and shrugs his shoulders] Biggles: I.... Ximinez: [gritting his teeth] I *know*, I know you can't. I didn't want to say anything. I just wanted to try and ignore your crass mistake. Biggles: I... Ximinez: It makes it all seem so stupid. Biggles: Shall I...? Ximinez: No, just pretend for God's sake. Ha! Ha! Ha! [biggles turns an imaginary handle on the side of the dish-rack] [Cut to them torturing a dear old lady, Marjorie Wilde] Ximinez: Now, old woman -- you are accused of heresy on three counts -- heresy by thought, heresy by word, heresy by deed, and heresy by action -- *four* counts. Do you confess? Wilde: I don't understand what I'm accused of. Ximinez: Ha! Then we'll make you understand! Biggles! Fetch...THE CUSHIONS! [JARRING CHORD] [biggles holds out two ordinary modern household cushions] Biggles: Here they are, lord. Ximinez: Now, old lady -- you have one last chance. Confess the heinous sin of heresy, reject the works of the ungodly -- *two* last chances. And you shall be free -- *three* last chances. You have three last chances, the nature of which I have divulged in my previous utterance. Wilde: I don't know what you're talking about. Ximinez: Right! If that's the way you want it -- Cardinal! Poke her with the soft cushions! [biggles carries out this rather pathetic torture] Ximinez: Confess! Confess! Confess! Biggles: It doesn't seem to be hurting her, lord. Ximinez: Have you got all the stuffing up one end? Biggles: Yes, lord. Ximinez [angrily hurling away the cushions]: Hm! She is made of harder stuff! Cardinal Fang! Fetch...THE COMFY CHAIR! [JARRING CHORD] [Zoom into Fang's horrified face] Fang [terrified]: The...Comfy Chair? [biggles pushes in a comfy chair -- a really plush one] Ximinez: So you think you are strong because you can survive the soft cushions. Well, we shall see. Biggles! Put her in the Comfy Chair! [They roughly push her into the Comfy Chair] Ximinez [with a cruel leer]: Now -- you will stay in the Comfy Chair until lunch time, with only a cup of coffee at eleven. [aside, to Biggles] Is that really all it is? Biggles: Yes, lord. Ximinez: I see. I suppose we make it worse by shouting a lot, do we? Confess, woman. Confess! Confess! Confess! Confess Biggles: I confess! Ximinez: Not you! 😬 😬 😬 😬 😬 😬 If ya' can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all. Thumper Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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