Jump to content
Click here if you are having website access problems ×

Ode to a Shed


SpyBot

Recommended Posts

"Oh Shed, thou small prefabricated oasis on a turbulent sea of woe, wherein we drink thy goodly ale and popcorn (well ok we don't necessarily DRINK the popcorn but U know what I'm driving at here) long may thy plywood walls resist the windblown salt-spume of convention, long may your well beloved asbestos cement sheet roof withstand the detritus unkindly deposited by passing gulls and kittiwakes.

 

(note...'oasis' as used here is a metaphor....an 'oasis on a sea of woe' would be like a small vacuum in outer space. Presumably this then refers to a shed on a RAFT as used by Thor Heyerdahl )

 

May your cupboard never be empty of Popcorn and Curly-Wurlys, may your rather attractive magazine rack from Ikea never be void of copies of 'Beano'. May your door never fall off, however often it's slammed.

 

May the coat rack never tilt, tip, and impale someone (I'm thinking of Wile here for some reason) so the Holy Sheddisti can continue to "Get (their) Coats" and make good their escape following some particularly dire utterance.

 

May thou, oh noble Shed, continue to be the centre of good cheer, even in this direst of dire 1930s-like recessions which is all the fault of those damned colonials the other side of the pond. Frankly 'twould have been better had the Mayflower sunk but don't quote me on that, I didn't say it really, this is all occurring in cyberspace, innit.

 

>

 

May thy, oh Shed, letterbox forever expel or allow to degenerate into mere slush, all demands for tax, more damned Ann Summers catalogues which we never ordered anyway, *redface* and/or junk mail of all and indeed sundry descriptions.

 

Make that 'expel', who needs a letterbox full of wood pulp even if it can, at a pinch, be formed Blue-Peter-like into a complete set of tiny farm animals which can then be painted individually and given to friends and loved ones (ok I know it's possible these categories can overlap) as surprise Chrissy-prezzies)

 

Bugger this I'm off down the Haddock or whatever it's called....now where IS my Burberry parka with the bells hand-sewn all round the hood?

 

Door slams,

 

jingle jingle jingle jingle

 

 

 

Certain Chemicals may affect the spelling

Link to comment
Share on other sites

*eek* ERK!

 

That style is horribly familiar!

 

Would I be right in thinking that this 'ode' was written deliberately to make people think that I'd written it, and thus a quite clever attempt at misdirection, trying to make people think Fester and FP Heffalump are one and the same? Or am I being unduly paranoid?

 

Is CAGEY about? *tongue*

 

Top marks for the style impersonation, you even got the spacing spot on!

 

Surely though, an ode should at least rhyme and scan?

 

Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds..ooooh hooo hooo!!...

😬 😬Abbey Road Time-Machine *eek* *eek*

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh GAAAHHHHDDDD....."Sheddisti"....I just realised I FESTER was the first to use this word on Blatchat! (I think?)

 

You sneaky swine you have been cyberstalking me! I bet you chuckled when you found that one in some ancient post, though god knows how you managed it what with the search function not working.

 

Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds..ooooh hooo hooo!!...

😬 😬Abbey Road Time-Machine *eek* *eek*

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My point exactly! Some subtle swine is implying that I am responsible for Heffalump!!!!

 

Outrageeous. My money is on Cagey or Wile7, though I'd put Davis high on the list of suspects if he was still about.

 

Can't be Delbert, Heffalump's spelling is too good! 😬

 

Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds..ooooh hooo hooo!!...

😬 😬Abbey Road Time-Machine *eek* *eek*

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

*arrowup* Great film, ruined by a twat who had drawn a big arrow on the poster for the film on the underground at Kaiser Soze, with the words "it woz 'im"

 

Dicks

 

(oh yes true story, but the main point of the posting was ...

 

 

.

 

 

 

 

.

 

 

 

 

.

 

 

 

 

 

.

 

 

 

Shirley Crabtree

 

 

Mwah ha ha ha - the shed again is all mine)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

So did you diamond geezers and geezeresses finally decide who was responsible for the "poetry" of the OP?

 

I'd like to present final evidence for it being not myself.

 

I, I'm absolutely certain, would not have forgotten to close the parentheses!

 

BWWWAAAAAAHHHHHHHAAAAAHHHHHHAAAAAAHHHHHHAAAAAHHHHHAAAAAHHHHH!

 

 

QED. *smile*

 

Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds..ooooh hooo hooo!!...

😬 😬Abbey Road Time-Machine *eek* *eek*

 

 

Edited by - Unclefester on 23 Dec 2009 20:12:29

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 9 months later...

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...