Brilliant Britain

[Dickie Normuss]

Allegedly .

 

These are real answers on various tv/radio quiz shows.

 

 

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)

Jeremy Paxman: What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and

'cheesemongers'?

Contestant: Homosexuals.

Paxman: No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset

with you.

 

 

BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)

Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is?

Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point.

Theakston: There's a clue in the title.

Contestant: Leicester.

 

 

BBC NORFOLK

Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?

Contestant: I don't know.

White: I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your

hand and your elbow?

Contestant: Arm.

White: Correct. And if you're not weak, you're...?

Contestant: Strong.

White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?

Contestant: Louis.

White: Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song

What A Wonderful World?

Contestant: Frank Sinatra?

 

 

LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS)

Alex Trelinski: What is the capital of Italy?

Contestant: France.

Trelinski: France is another country. Try again.

Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm.

Trelinski: Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is

the Parthenon?

Contestant: Sorry, I don't know.

Trelinski: Just guess a country then.

Contestant: Paris.

 

 

THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)

Anne Robinson:- Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all

written books about their experiences in what:- Prison, or the Conservative

Party?

Contestant: The Conservative Party.

 

 

BEACON RADIO (WOLVERHAMPTON)

DJ Mark: For Pounds 10, what is the nationality of the Pope?

Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?

 

 

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE

Bamber Gascoigne: What was Gandhi's first name?

Contestant: Goosey?

 

 

GWR FM (Bristol)

Presenter: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?

Contestant: I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.

 

 

RTE RADIO 2FM (IRELAND)

Presenter: What is the name of the long-running TV comedy show about

pensioners: Last Of The .?

Caller: Mohicans.

 

PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO MANCHESTER)

Phil: What's 11 squared?

Contestant: I don't know.

Phil: I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle.

Contestant: Is it five?

 

 

RICHARD AND JUDY

Q: Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?

A: Forrest Gump.

 

 

RICHARD AND JUDY

Leslie: On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?

Contestant: Er . . .

Leslie: He makes bread . . .

Contestant: Er . . ..

Leslie: He makes cakes . . ..

Contestant: Kipling Street?

 

 

LINCS FM PHONE-IN

Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?

Contestant: Barcelona.

Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.

Contestant: I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain.

 

 

NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)

Question: What is the world's largest continent?

Contestant: The Pacific

 

 

ROCK FM (PRESTON)

Presenter: Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a

famous painting by Leonardo Da Vinci.

Contestant: Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

 

 

THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV)

Steve Le Fevre: What was signed, to bring World War I to an end in 1918?

Contestant: Magna Carta ?.

 

 

JAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC)

O'Brien: How many kings of England have been called Henry?

Contestant: Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth ... er .. er

... three?

 

 

CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL)

Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna?

Caller: Japan.

Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that,

I can let you try again.

Caller: Er .... Mexico?

 

 

PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE)

Paul Wappat: How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last?

Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days.

 

 

DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO)

Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?

Contestant: Holland?

Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.

Contestant: Iceland? Ireland?

Denham (helpfully): It's a bad line. Did you say Israel?

Contestant: No.

 

 

PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR)

Wood: What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible?

Contestant: Er . .. .

Wood: It's got two syllables . . . Kor . . .

Contestant: Blimey?

Wood: Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . . .

Contestant: (Silence)

Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . . .

Contestant: Walked?

 

 

THE VAULT

Melanie Sykes: What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer

can fall asleep at any time?

Contestant: Nostalgia.

 

 

LUNCHTIME SHOW (BRMB)

Presenter: What religion was Guy Fawkes?

Contestant: Jewish.

Presenter: That's close enough.

 

 

STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (BBC RADIO 2)

Wright: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging

character clad only in a loincloth did he play?

Contestant: Jesus.

 

 

VX HPC - Loud and proud here

Watch out, whatever hits the fan will not be distributed evenly

[Wight Skipper]

That was me on my way back from Dartford. I had just had my big end looked at.