More science

[deeps]

THE FOLLOWING ARE ALL QUOTES FROM 11 YEAR OLDS’ SCIENCE EXAMS IN THE USA.

 

“Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin, Hydrogin is gin and water”

 

“When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe you expire”

 

“H2O is hot water, CO2 is cold water”

 

“To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test-tube”

 

“When you smell an odourless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide”

 

“Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state”

 

“There are three kinds of blood vessels; arteries, vanes and caterpillars”

 

“Blood flows up one leg and down the other”

 

“Respiration is composed of two acts: first inspiration and then expectoration”

 

“The moon is a planet just like Earth, only it’s even deader”

 

“Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull”

 

“Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire”

 

“A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold”

 

“Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas”

 

 

 

 

 

 

Page 2.

 

“The body consists of three parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five – a, e, i, o and u “

 

“Momentum: What you give a person when you are going away”

 

“Planet: A body of earth surrounded by sky”

 

“Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot”

 

“Vacuum: A large, empty space where the Pope lives”

 

“Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative”

 

“To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose”

 

“For a nosebleed, put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops”

 

“For drowning, climb on top of the person and move up and down to make artificial perspiration”

 

“For fainting, rub the person’s chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead, or put the head between the knees of the nearest medical doctor”

 

“For dog bite, put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, kill the dog”

 

“For asphyxiation, apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead”

 

“To prevent contraception, wear a condominium”

 

 

 

 

 

 

Page 3.

 

“For a head cold, use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat”

 

“To keep milk from turning sour, keep it in the cow”

 

“The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects”

 

“The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana”

 

“The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to”

 

“A permanent set of teeth consist of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars and eight cuspidors”

 

“The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends towards the Moon, because there is no water on the Moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the Sun joins in this fight”

 

“A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is”

 

“The equator is a managerie lion running round the Earth through Africa”

 

“Germinate: To become a naturalised German”

 

“Liter: A nest of young puppies”

 

“Magnet: Something you find crawling over a dead cat”.

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[deeps]

Oops posted to the wrong spot blush.gif

 

Edited by - deeps on 22 May 2002 09:04:48

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Edited by - deeps on 22 May 2002 11:14:38

 

Edited by - deeps on 23 May 2002 02:22:11

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