The Village Idiot Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 Just to give some of the shed members a giggle here is todays list of sh!t things I have had to do during a normal day at Southfork. First thing - mend gate that keeps dog in back garden after wind had broken it (if not mended, dog would escape into the wilds of Hertfordshire. Check that there had been no reoccurance after yesterdays rodding The normal daily sh!t of mucking out and pooh sucking for 2 horses. Clean horses manhood for him as he can't lick it like the dog can Check and remove any carcasses from mouse traps - the little blighters always come in in winter time Reset ant poison as the little blighters are coming in cos it's winter time Jobs for tomorrow - find out where the rabbits are getting in through the colditz fencing If anyone tells you how lucky you are for living in the middle of a field they should try the responsibility for a while. So there you have it every dirty job, dirty dick does ❗ Paraphrased from the original dirty harry film Dicks Humiliated by Miss Marple but still giving it LARGE Wood Sir like to be on the cutting edge ? OR Can I drive you round the bend ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hibster. Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 "Clean horses manhood for him as he can't lick it like the dog can" Images of deepthroat just went through my mind doesnt it make you gag ? Supercheese R250 Caterham pictures here 😬 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Village Idiot Posted March 12, 2008 Author Share Posted March 12, 2008 Neigh lad neigh 😬 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 Typical .. PD thinks that and yet my first thought is 'bit early for ants surely?' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Area Representative Golf Juliet Tango Posted March 12, 2008 Area Representative Share Posted March 12, 2008 Lord Muck mucks out eh? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Village Idiot Posted March 12, 2008 Author Share Posted March 12, 2008 I did actually have a groom for about 10 years but have you tried to find decent household staff recently ? Still at least the gardener is still employed, when one landscaped the grounds it would have been easier just to turf it all but having all the borders makes the house look a treat in May. You're right Windy it is early for the ants but they are are here 😔, need to get rid of them before they start flying and nesting (shudders at the thought of flying ants inside the house and dozens of new ants nests) Sorry to dissapoint you Paul it's a sponge and water job. Dicks (Every dirty job dirty dick does) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WindyMiller Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 Images of Richard in a small watch tower with a search light. I'll give you a hint "Tom, Dick and Harry" ...... Bunnies. ...... don't think they are going over the wire. If you see some normal looking visitors with long ears, try the old trick, offer them a carrot, they always twitch their nose and say "thank you", give away! If one claims to have a brother who makes nature programmes and is called Dicky Carrotenburrough, watch him. Beware the rabbits collecting the carrot peelings, never know what they brew up. Do watch out for the bunny with the base ball glove, don't let him get near any motorcycles. Keep us posted on tales of Offrab luft six Windy Red and Black 1.8K Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boonie Hound Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 Also if they start a gym club just outside the fence with a vaulting horse or some of your staff...probably washer women...who seem short with sharp teeth. Good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hibster. Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 Look out a couple are building a glider Supercheese R250 Caterham pictures here 😬 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
La vache espagnole Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 a vaulting horseWell, so it can't lick itself down there but vaulting is quite a clever trick, you have to admit... nothing... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolf Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 Bunnies, mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm This had better work... 😳 Watch out, there's a Wolf about! 😬 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Village Idiot Posted March 13, 2008 Author Share Posted March 13, 2008 😬 Right you want rabbit stories........... At my last company, located on an industrial estate next to Luton Airport, a mixy rabbit comes wandering off the airfield onto our car park. The gutless wonder staff come to me and say 'ohh look there is a poorly bunny what are you going to do 🤔' So I say it is going to die anyway it's a mixy rabbit - the ONLY right thing to do is put it down. Unfortunately the only implement for performing said act is a cricket bat the staff use during their lunch breaks. Except nobody will go and do the deed, the rightous sos and so's would rather have an animal suffer to protect their sensibilities. So muggins in his suit and hand fecking painted tie (but no watch) goes out to the car park with primevel club in hand (ie cricket bat). As I approach bat raised high the last vestige of sense within the rabbits brain tells it to run away......... . . . It runs across the communal car park...... . . . . . . . Underneath the wheels of a car being driven by a woman from a couple of units down the estate THUD goes the car over the rabbit........ The woman stops her car 20 yards down the car park..... . . . . . . . Sadly the rabbit is still twitching, so club in hand I belt it repeatedly untill without question no more carrots will pass THIS rabbits mouth... . . . . . . . . . . Afetr finishing the rabbit I look up to see the woman in the car looking in her rear view mirror, she has just run over the rabbit and seen me club it ... she is looking slightly upset....... . . . . . . So to put her mind at rest I walk over to her - bloodied club in hand - and say in my best Vivian from The Young Ones voice "Don't worry, it was a mercy killing - it had mixymatosis" She doesn't understand and bursts into tears *cry* Only this sh!te happens to me so....... Every dirty job, dirty Dick does 😬 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hibster. Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 I did something similar when I hover mowered a frog 😳 Supercheese R250 Caterham pictures here 😬 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WindyMiller Posted March 14, 2008 Share Posted March 14, 2008 Richard, Same here with mixy rabbits, but I work in a school. A group of about 10 girls all in Y7 (about 11 y.o.) "Poor little bunny wunny" etc and me with a steel bar I'd unscrewed from a lab stand . . . .. . . You girls go to Mrs X and tell her what's happening, I'll look after the bunny. . . .. .. . 3 mins later "Where's the rabbit sir" "It hopped off" Some people can be a little too sensitive Don't get me wrong I didn't enjoy doing it, but sometimes it needs doing. Windy Red and Black 1.8K Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Posted March 14, 2008 Share Posted March 14, 2008 It's a true animal lover that can put them out of their misery ... and often better than taking it to the vet who can drag out the inevitable and then charge you £40 😔 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Village Idiot Posted March 26, 2008 Author Share Posted March 26, 2008 I have just finished todays dirty job. Turned into my drive after finishing work about 8.30pm tonight and find that my drive is blocked. Some pikey fecked up scumbag builder has just dumped about 6 cubic yards of sh!t in my drive so that I can't get down to my house Have just spent 2 hours moving it to oneside so that I could get home. *mad* *mad* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Area Representative Golf Juliet Tango Posted March 26, 2008 Area Representative Share Posted March 26, 2008 indeed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
db Posted March 26, 2008 Share Posted March 26, 2008 I found a winged pigeon in a terrible way by the roadside once, stopped and decided to wring its neck out of mercy. 360 degrees later, it just blinked at me as if to say - ouch that's gonna crick. I forgot that they can turn their heads so far. The answer is to pull and twist. Several times. My ... Preciousss! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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