Jaseb Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 I've not seen this thread for so long I thought someone had stollen it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blockhead Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 Stollen? Pah, yule log'll be so lucky There ain't half been some clever bastards... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dalongbloke Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 Crumbs! what's going on here? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jonboylaw Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 Looks like everyone is getting their hooks into this! Why did the baker have brown hands? He kneaded a poo! Jon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Area Representative Gavel Posted December 19, 2008 Area Representative Share Posted December 19, 2008 Slightly off topic, but I know a baker who has a tool for putting the holes in doughnuts ... and he uses his false teeth for crimping his mince pies. Reckless with caution. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frying Pan Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 Leave the poor bloke alone - he'll get a cob on -----See some pictures of the build here. 15000 miles completed! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frying Pan Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 As it's Christmas: A duck walks into a bar and asks the barman “have you got any bread?”. The barman says “We dont sell bread I’m afraid, this is a pub, we sell beer”. The duck leaves. The next day the walks back into the same bar and asks the same barman “have you got any bread?”. The barman looks a little annoyed and says “Like I told you yesterday, we dont do bread, we’re a pub”, so the duck leaves. The next day the same duck walks into the same bar, and asks the same barman “have you got any bread?”. The barman looks really annoyed and says “Look we dont do bread, we’re a pub and if you keep coming in here asking for bread I’ll nail your beak to the bar” so the duck leaves. The following day the duck once again walks into bar. He asks the barman “have you got any nails?”. The barman looks perplexed and replies “No”. The duck then asks “Have you got any bread?”. ----- A general store owner hired a young female clerk who liked to wear very short skirts and thong panties. One day, a young man entered the store, glanced at the clerk, and glanced at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing the length of her skirt (or general lack thereof) and the location of the raisin bread, he had a brilliant idea. "I'd like some raisin bread, please," the man said politely. The female clerk nodded and climbed up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, which was located on the very top shelf. The young man, standing almost directly beneath her, was provided with an excellent view, just as he surmised he would be. Once she descended the ladder, he mused that he really should get two loaves, as he was having company for dinner. As the clerk retrieved the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers noticed what was going on. Thinking quickly, he requested his own loaf of raisin bread, so he could continue to enjoy the view. With each trip up the ladder, the young lady seemed to catch the eye of another male customer. Pretty soon, each male patron was asking for raisin bread, just to see the clerk climb up and down. After many trips, she became tired and irritated and began thinking that she would have to try this bread for herself! Finally, once again atop the ladder, she stopped and fumed, glaring at the men standing below. She noticed an elderly man standing amongst the crowd staring up at her. Thinking it might save her a trip, she yelled at the elderly man, "Is yours raisin, too?" "No," croaked the old man, .... .... "But it's startin' to quiver." -----See some pictures of the build here. 15000 miles completed! Edited by - 7heavensoon on 19 Dec 2008 16:19:59 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Area Representative Gavel Posted December 19, 2008 Area Representative Share Posted December 19, 2008 Donald Duck was appearing at Las Vegas for the Christmas season. One night after the show, he spends some time in the bar and meets a really hot lady duck. They get on well together, so he invites her to his show the following night. Then he suggests they go back to his hotel suite. On his way past the hotel reception, he asks the clerk discreetly if he could get him a contraceptive - just in case, you understand. Donald and the lady duck go up to his suite and just as they are starting to get really smoochy, there's a knock at the door. "Come in", shouts Donald, whereupon the room service guy comes in. "Mr Duck, sir," I have your contraceptive. Shall I put in on your bill?" "What," storms Donald, "do you think I'm some kind of pervert?!" Sorry - off topic, but it is Christmas! Reckless with caution. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lesley Posted December 20, 2008 Share Posted December 20, 2008 I am NOT doing christmas this year, and have told all my family. This morning a breadmaker was delivered. 😔 I so do not want a breadmaker - any offers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
harold Posted December 21, 2008 Share Posted December 21, 2008 STEVE WOULD SOON PUT YOU ALL IN YOUR PLACE but he is obviously too well bread H D Fifield Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoyH Posted December 21, 2008 Share Posted December 21, 2008 If he's well bread he probably has a lot of dough and isnt raisin to the bait Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harry Flatters Posted December 21, 2008 Author Share Posted December 21, 2008 🤔Someone call *arrowright*Harry Flatters *arrowright* AKA Steve Mell - EO and Su77on Se7ener Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lesley Posted December 21, 2008 Share Posted December 21, 2008 It's ok - it has found the home it kneaded Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jason Plato Posted December 22, 2008 Share Posted December 22, 2008 its got nothing to do with bread but it does rise and its 😬 The leg end that is the Mike Bees foam seat story 😶🌫️ "A friend of mine once built a canoe. He spent a long time on it and it was a work of art. Almost the final phase was to fill both ends with polyureathane expanding foam. He duly ordered the bits from Mr Glasplies (an excellent purveyor of all things fibreglass) and it arrived in two packs covered with appropriately dire warnings about expansion ratios and some very good notes on how to use it. Unfortunately he had a degree, worse still two of them. One was in Chemistry, so the instructions got thrown away and the other in something mathematical because in a few minutes he was merrily calculating the volume of his craft to many decimal places and the guidelines got binned as well. He propped the canoe up on one end, got a huge tin, carefully measured the calculated amounts of glop, mixed them and quickly poured the mixture in the end of the canoe (The two pack expands very rapidly). I arrived as he was completing this and I looked in to see the end chamber over half full of something Cawdors Witches would have been proud of. Two thing occurred to me, one was the label which said in big letters "Caution - expansion ratio 50:1" (or something similar) and the other that the now empty tins said "approximately enough for 20 small craft." Any comment was drowned out by a sea of yellow brown foam suddenly pouring out of the middle of the canoe and the end of the canoe bursting open. My friend screamed and leapt at his pride and joy which was knocked to the ground as he started trying to bale handfuls of this stuff out with his hands. Knocking the craft over allowed the still liquid and not yet fully expanded foam to flow to the other end of the canoe where it expanded and shattered that end as well. A few seconds later and we had a canoe with two exploded ends, a mountain of solid foam about 4ft high growing out of the middle, and a chemist firmly embedded up to his armpits in it. At this stage he discovered the reaction was exothermic and his hands and arms were getting very hot indeed. Running about in small circles in a confined space while glued to the remains of a fairly large canoe proved ineffective so he resorted to screaming a bit instead. Fortunately a Kukri was to hand so I attacked the foam around his hands with some enthusiasm. The process was hindered by the noise he was making and the fact he was trying to escape while still attached to the canoe. Eventually I managed to hack out a lump of foam still including most of his arms and hands. Unfortunately my tears of laughter were not helping as they accelerated the foam setting. Seeking medical help was obviously out of the question, the embarrassment of having to explain his occupation (Chief Research Chemist at a major petrochemical organisation) would simply never have been lived down. Several hours and much acrimony later we had removed sufficient foam (and much hair) to allow him to move again. However he still looked something like a failed audition for Quasimodo with red burns on his arms and expanded blobs of foam sticking everywhere. My comment that the scalding simple made the hairs the foam was sticking to come out easier was not met with the enthusiasm I felt it deserved. I forgot to add that in retrospect rather unwisely he had set out to do this deed in the hallway of his house (the only place he later explained with sufficient headroom for the canoe - achieved by poking it up the stairwell. Having extricated him we now were faced with the problem of a canoe construction kit embedded in a still gurgling block of foam which was now irrevocably bonded to the hall and stairs carpet as well as several banister rails and quite a lot of wallpaper. At this point his wife and her mother came back from shopping......" Oh yes - and he had been wearing the pullover Mum in law had knitted him for his birthday the week before. here is C7 TOP Taffia joint AO with Al Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frying Pan Posted December 22, 2008 Share Posted December 22, 2008 I'll never fail to laugh at the mental pictures that story generate 😬 See some pictures of the build here. 15000 miles completed! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lesley Posted December 22, 2008 Share Posted December 22, 2008 Excellent 😬 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harry No Sheds Flatters Posted October 31, 2011 Share Posted October 31, 2011 I thought it about time that this thread rise BTTT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Area Representative skeetsy Posted October 31, 2011 Area Representative Share Posted October 31, 2011 Did it go for Muffin in the end? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gridgway Posted October 31, 2011 Share Posted October 31, 2011 I thought at yeast we'd get some decent humour. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian B Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 Is this still available? Can you email me some snaps? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zetec Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 You lot are dough-nuts ! Steve might find this in-salting! Bugger. Run out now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gridgway Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 Can't we leaven this alone? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drumster Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 Crumbs! Is this thread still going......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dignity Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 Quoting Aeroscreens: Crumbs! Is this thread still going......... Yes come on chaps! Its getting a bit stale now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stationary M25 Traveller Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 D'ough http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSKDBJMj8UGqfjyFOADAa9jl1woUH_qorz7QVYgnHEunyYCSxUcJw Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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