Delbert Posted November 20, 2006 Share Posted November 20, 2006 JOB APPLICATION NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard) SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate) DESIRED POSITION: Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying in the first place - would I? DESIRED SALARY: £150,000 a year plus share options and a Tony Blair style redundancy package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle. EDUCATION: Yes. LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility. PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth. MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes. REASON FOR LEAVING: It was a crap job. HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any. PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment. MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here? DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what? DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?" HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Reader's Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me. DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes! WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big tits and who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now. NEAREST RELATIVE?: 7 miles DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely. Its a long time since the regular joke e-mails have made me really laugh out loud, but its worse in that It claims to be an actual application recieved by B&Q in Gravesend When I get the mean reds the only thing to do is jump in the 7 ( with applebogies to Audrey) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Debert Posted November 20, 2006 Share Posted November 20, 2006 Fantastic! Cheers Del - i needed cheering up 😬 You should at least get him in for an interview We had a guy like this that worked (* allegedly) in our programing team at my last place. His memos were always great fun, and if we had a particularly difficult customer, we would always ask him to visit them & write the spec. His customers always got a brilliant system and came back for more business. *thumbup* There isn't enough humour in this place to raise a grin, let alone a giggle or a guffaw! ☹️ *arrowright*Get a Mosaic Poster of YOUR car and help Nuke the Leuk here *arrowright*Pictures here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Area Representative Golf Juliet Tango Posted November 20, 2006 Area Representative Share Posted November 20, 2006 Of Course you should hire him. It's Paul Davis! GJT Crossflow 524 star of the show Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Normans_Ghost Posted November 20, 2006 Share Posted November 20, 2006 GJT, thats the best reason not to! Norman Verona, 1989 BDR 220bhp, Reg: B16BDR, Mem No 2166, the full story here You and your seven toThe French Blatting Company Limited Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hibster. Posted November 20, 2006 Share Posted November 20, 2006 I'm not sure which of those posts is the worst Supercheese R250 Caterham pictures here 😬 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Area Representative Golf Juliet Tango Posted November 20, 2006 Area Representative Share Posted November 20, 2006 That's good news 😬 GJT Crossflow 524 star of the show Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hibster. Posted November 20, 2006 Share Posted November 20, 2006 I must publish those photos I have of your from Curbururururu (after I've done some work on them in Photoshop) Snigger Paul Supercheese R250 Caterham pictures here 😬 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Delbert Posted November 20, 2006 Author Share Posted November 20, 2006 What GJT the Germam porn star 😬 😬 Does that take Photoshop 😬 😳 😬 When I get the mean reds the only thing to do is jump in the 7 ( with applebogies to Audrey) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Area Representative Golf Juliet Tango Posted November 20, 2006 Area Representative Share Posted November 20, 2006 😳 What with all those lovely cars! You didn't even wander down and say "Hello" - you just shot from a distance, sniper stylie. Are you afraid of the curse? GJT Crossflow 524 star of the show Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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