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I never thought


Delbert

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A shedder enters ChitChat.

 

Mr. Delbert: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.

 

(The owner does not respond.)

 

Mr. Delbert: 'Ello, Miss?

 

Barry: What do you mean "miss"?

 

Mr. Delbert: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!

 

Barry: We're closin' for lunch.

 

Mr. Delbert: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this thread what I started not half an hour ago from this very forum.

 

Barry: Oh yes, the, uh, the Leeds Teaching assistant...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?

 

Mr. Delbert: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's locked, that's what's wrong with it!

 

Barry: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting. Band width is expensive and the SQL is resting also

 

Mr. Delbert: Look, matey, I know a locked thread when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.

 

Barry: No no he's not locked, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable thread, the Leeds Teaching assistant, idn'it, ay? Beautiful wordmanship!

 

Mr. Delbert: The bandwith don't enter into it. It's stone dead.

 

Barry: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!

 

Mr. Delbert: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up! (shouting at the thread) 'Ello, Mister thread! I've got a lovely fresh post for you if you

show...

 

(Barry hits the lap top)

 

Barry: There, he moved!

 

Mr. Delbert: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the laptop!

 

Barry: I never!!

 

Mr. Delbert: Yes, you did!

 

Barry: I never, never did anything...

 

Mr. Delbert: (yelling and hitting the laptop repeatedly) 'ELLO Mustahfa!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!

 

(Takes thread out of the forum and thumps its head on the moderator. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)

 

Mr. Delbert: Now that's what I call a dead thread.

 

Barry: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!

 

Mr. Delbert: STUNNED?!?

 

Barry: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Delberts spellin often stun posters .

 

Mr. Delbert: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That thread is definitely deceased, and when I posted it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged Friday arguement.

 

Barry: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the Westerfields.

 

Mr. Delbert: PININ' for the Westerfields!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?

 

Barry: The thread prefers keepin' on it's back! Remarkable thread, id'nit, squire? Lovely spellin!

 

Mr. Delbert: Look, I took the liberty of examining that thread when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the

first place was that it had been STICKYED there.

 

(pause)

 

Barry: Well, o'course it was STICKEYED there! If I hadn't stickied that thread down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its beak, and

VOOM! Feeweeweewee!

 

Mr. Delbert: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this thread wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!

 

Barry: No no! 'E's pining!

 

Mr. Praline: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This thread is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't stickyied 'im to the top 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-THREAD!!

 

(pause)

 

Barry: Well, I'd better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter) Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh,

we're right out of original threads. But we got a few that repeat those that have allready been posted

 

Mr. Delbert: I see. I see, I get the picture.

 

Barry: I got a WHinning Sh1te and a Force Ale.

 

(pause)

 

Mr. Delbert: Pray, does either allow posts?

 

Barry: Nnnnot really.

 

Mr. Delbert: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?

 

Barry: N-no, I guess not. (gets ashamed, looks at his feet)

 

Mr. Delbert: Well.

 

(pause)

 

Barry: (quietly) D'you.... d'you want to come back to my place?

 

Mr. Delbert: (looks around) Yeah, all right, sure.

 

 

With apologies if I got it wrong etc etc

 

When I get the mean reds the only thing to do is jump in the 7 ( with applebogies to Audrey)

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by - Delbert on 19 Oct 2006 22:44:22

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1075, a thread of mine has never been so popular

 

for those that missed it

 

here

 

Lets get 1500 views shall we 😬 and that will proove Willies theory about the Lurker to poster ratio 😬 😬

 

When I get the mean reds the only thing to do is jump in the 7 ( with applebogies to Audrey)

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